Letter to the Mayor

I live on Walnut Street. A very Mayberry’ily named street isn’t it? And while I love living on Walnut Street I have now decided that I would prefer to live on Pomegranate Lane. However we know the whole housing market has tanked so now I’m upside down on my mortgage and can’t afford to move to Pomegranate Lane, therefore I think the next best thing is for the City of Shafter to change the name of my street. So I am considering sending the City of Shafter the following letter:

Dear Mayor of the Town of Shafter: (doesn’t that sound like that line from the Munchkin in the Wizard of Oz who is making a huge proclamation? “As Mayor of the City of Munchkin”…or something like that. Please feel free to correct me if you are a Wizard of Oz trivia expert.)

     As you are aware, our city, nay our state, nay our whole country is in the midst of a recession of gargantuan terms! Due to this I find myself in a position where my home in your lovely city is now worth far less than I owe for it. That in itself is not the problem as I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone in the “mortgage debacle boat”. The problem is the name of my street.

     When I bought my home I thought the name Walnut Street was beautiful…and so it is. It’s not as quaint as the street my niece Alle lives on which is Elm Street, making her Alle of Elm Street. It’s not as California sounding as the street where my parents house is, Golden West (bringing to mind the Golden Coast and Katy Perry’s lovely song, California Girls, not to be mistaken for the Beach Boys song, California Girls…but I digress).

     Lovely as Walnut Street is, I would like to live on Pomegranate Lane. It just has a lovelier ring to it and I do so love Pomegranates and we grow a lot of pomegranates in Kern County and we grow no walnuts that I know of so it just makes sense to promote those commodities that are available in Kern County by renaming my street to Pomegranate Lane. (Please see the first paragraph of my letter as to why I can't just move to a street named Pomegranate Lane.)

     Please bring this matter before the City Council at your following meeting in October. I would be happy to attend and to bring the council members a bushel basket bunch of pomegranates since October is the beginning of Pomegranate season.

     I highly urge this matter to be considered and a decision made in October so that I can order my Christmas cards with the return address on Pomegranate Lane, in time to be mailed for Christmas.

Respectfully yours,
Alicia of Pomegranate Lane

So there we go! Don’t you all agree that the title, Alicia of Pomegranate Lane, has a lovely ring to it. Maybe it could even be the title of my book which is what my blog will be turned into once I expire and my children realize I’ve left all my worldly possessions to a book publisher in return for having my book deal go through.) I’ll let you all know what the council decides!