It is Better to be Alone than in Bad Company

A long time ago, when I was struggling with my marriage because of an abusive husband, my paternal grandfather, whom we lovingly called Tata, pulled me aside and told me, "Mija, hagase valer. Mejor sola que mal acompanada." Translated it means, "My daughter, value yourself, better to be alone than in bad company." That made such a profound impact on me that I've remembered it to this day and have given that advice many times to various friends and truly believe in it.

Last week I told you all about my wonderful birthday gifts and greetings from my dear friends and family members. I also promised photos from a trip I was taking to Las Vegas. Well I have a few photos, but very few. This is not a happy post but perhaps it will help someone who is in a situation where they are not valuing themselves and they are thinking better to be in bad company than to be alone.

I mentioned a romantic weekend getaway with a new gentleman friend. Well he turned out not to be quite the gentleman I thought he was. Let me say upfront, I'm ok, I'm fine, he didn't hurt me, nothing like that...at least not physically. I am not going to get into detail about word for word the awful things he said and how he made me feel, but I will say that he has a problem. A big problem. A problem that I had seen little, tiny glimpses of that made me suspect something was not right, but nothing I could really put my finger on.

The problem? Alcohol. The first full day we were in Vegas he started drinking beer from the second he woke up until he passed out around midnight. Some people drink and are happy drunks, this man was not one of those. The drunker he got, the meaner he got. Needless to say Saturday was a horrible, miserable day for me. I spent the majority of the time alone and crying and wishing I could go home. I honestly debated with myself whether I should just pack up my stuff and call a cab to take me to the bus station. I stuck it out and we came back home Sunday, one day earlier than he had promised.

Sunday on the drive home he acted like nothing was wrong. He was his old self:, cheerful, funny, talkative. I started to wonder if I had dreamed the whole thing...the ache in my heart told me it wasn't a dream. Once we got to his house where I had left my car I quickly told him that we were done and left.

I'm not sure why this all happened, but I guess it's better that I realized it sooner rather than later right? I'm sad of what "could have been", but happy that I found out in time that this was not the type of man I want in my life. If anyone out there is in a relationship that is bad but staying in it in the hopes that it will get better, or that he/she will change, they won't. Value yourself and realize that it truly is better to be alone than in bad company. My wounds from this weekend will heal and eventually someone who deserves me will come into my life and he will receive someone that values and respects herself and will value and respect him as well.

I debated posting about this because I like to use my blog to post happy things than make others happy. But in the end I felt that maybe it would be best to put it all out there in the hopes that someone that might be going through a bad relationship might be helped by this and by the wisdom of my dear Tata, Manuel, may he rest in peace. I love you Tata.

I did manage to get a few photos on my cell phone the first evening we got there, so I'll share those with you and trust me...I am going to back to Vegas again and I'm going to have so much fun it will make up for the horror of this trip!

Christmas Tamales

Christmas for our family has always been about Christmas Eve, Tamales and Family. On Christmas Eve, we have a tradition of everyone getting together at my mom's house around 10am and helping to make tamales. From the youngest to the oldest, we all take part and have assigned jobs. This year the youngest was Melissa, who's two years old and her job was to entertain us, and she did an awesome job. The next youngest that really did help was Fred Jr and this year he was a trainee under Bebe's watchful eye in learning how to wash "hojas" (corn husks that are used to wrap the tamale in).
Then there's the "big guns", the seasoned veterans who "amasar" (knead the corn meal, chili powder, baking powder, salt, lard and meat drippings). For quite a few years now that job was left to my brothers. Here's a picture of them last year...But unfortunately Jaime had to work this year, so I had to step into his shoes and help my brother Fred "amasar". (And let me tell you, it wasn't as fun as it looks. My arthritis, was really acting up that day, but two Advil's and a beer really helped me get through it.)

Here's Fred's lovely hands hard at work.

Here's my sad pathetic hurting little hands trying really hard not to work!And so here we are ready to go...We have the Hoja's cleaned and ready to be used to wrap the tamales... We have both pots of masa, Fred's is on the right and looks really nice and smooth. Mine is on the left and I didn't have the strength left to smooth and pat the top, but it worked just the same!Here's the meat that my mom cooked up that morning. She uses beef and pork and then we shred it all up and she uses I believe dried California Chile's, but it could be New Mexico one's, I'm not really sure, to make the chili that is mixed with the meat and then she adds garlic and onion powder and salt and who knows what else. All I know is it's yummy, I can eat this just by itself in a flour tortilla.Last, but not least...the black olives. We are an olive family! We're only supposed to put one in each tamale, but during the year as we eat the ones that are frozen and heated up later you may find one, two, three, even four olives!

So I said that everyone helps, from the youngest to the oldest. Here's a picture of the oldest, my dad Federico. He's an old pro at tamale making and he loves to get in on this part. He's not to big on helping with all the preparations ahead of time, but when it's time to actually make the tamales, he's ready!Here's another pro, my sister-in-law Norma. She can whip those tamales out like there's no tomorrow. She likes to spread the masa on the corn husks and she then hands them to her husband (my brother Fred) and he puts the meat and olives in and wraps them. Norma makes hundreds of dozens of tamales during the season leading up to Christmas and she sells them. Want to place an order for Christmas 2009, just hit me up! I'm the hook-up.Here's the gang. My sister Lisa just arrived, she had to work half day and shows up right after work to get in on the fun. And my mom...she's the floor lady, the crew chief, the big kahuna, the boss! She's making sure Lisa doesn't dilly-dally too long, we have a schedule to keep!And Lisa wastes no time shedding her sweater and putting up her hair and she's hard at it!As the tamales are wrapped and completed, they are place in these plastic bins that my mom has out back in the "cuartito". Every Christmas she takes them out, washes them out and gets them ready for the big day. We try to make the tamales all a uniform size, so they'll cook evenly. As the crew continues spreading and wrapping, Fred and my mom start the cooking process by placing them in a certain way into the "olla" (pot). Don't ask me how they do it, I have no clue but there is quite of bit of expertise involved in this process. And I want to give a shout out to my brother Fred who has really stepped up in helping my mom in the kitchen this year. At Thanksgiving he has always carved the turkey, but this year he even made the gravy and it was super delish! He also made the gravy for my mom's birthday, but that's coming up in a different post. But again Fred...thank you!And Voilà! The finished product. These are a lot of trouble to make, especially since we usually make several dozens, but sooooooo worth it! Here's a naked one...unwrapped, mmmmmmm. See the black? That's the olives and the juice from the meat soaks into the masa and it's just heaven in a corn husk! Merry Christmas to us!Once they are all done and we've eaten our fill and taken some over to share with neighbors and friends, my mom freezes them and you can come over on almost any random Sunday morning and there will be tamales in the oven. As the years go by and all the kids get older, they will always have this memory of what Christmas Eve is in our family. Sure we have ocassional fights and bickering while we make the tamales, but all in all it's a good time and we love being together and we look forward to it every year.

Reflections from a Mother's Heart

It's been a while since I've done a post from "Reflections from a Mother's Heart". I have quite a few posts that I'm working on, but I have to download the pictures from my camera, so I thought I would just do a Reflections post today and get myself warmed up to do the others, so here goes.

The topic in the book today is...Where did your father go to work everyday and what did he do?

For as far back as I can remember my dad has been a farmer, farm hand, foreman, farm supervisor, tractor driver, mechanic, jack of all trades. My earliest memory of his work is when he worked in Eloy, Arizona for a man named Cecil or as he and my mom said it "Seeso". I don't know the name of the ranch but I know my dad grew cotton and hay. I know that he took me to work with him sometimes and Seeso used to call me Guerra. I remember that Seeso was very short and very light skinned and very fat and I liked him, he was always nice to me and I liked that he called me Guerra, he was also very Guerro.

I know that my dad worked very hard and left very, very early every morning to go to work. We were always asleep when he left and when we were little...up until I started school he would make a special breakfast drink called a "Ponche" which consisted of milk, raw egg, sugar and cinnamon. He would mix it up real good (when I make it now, I put it in the blender, but I know we didn't have a blender way back then) and he would warm it up (without a microwave) and he would put it in a bottle for me and my little sister before he would go off to work. That way he would buy my mom a little extra sleeping time as we would drink our warm little Ponche bottle and not wake up hungry as soon as he left. Now I know that you're probably wondering about why we didn't die of ecoli, drinking raw egg, but I have a theory about it that I call simply "God loves little Mexican children". More about that later.

I know that my dad left and did whatever he did at the ranch or the shop and then he would come home in the morning when my mom had us all "up and at'em" and she would fix him breakfast, this was usually around 6 or 7am. Then he would ride off in his truck again to return when it was lunchtime. He would have his lunch, grab a quick nap while we crawled around on his legs while he slept and then he was off again.

Sometimes, depending on how close he was working, we would see him off and on through the day until he came home, usually at about 6pm and he would have dinner and fall asleep. He worked hard and came home pretty tired.

One thing about my dad that I didn't know then, but I do know now is that he had a pretty bad temper and he was very sensitive about what people said about him, or how he perceived people thought about him, and I'm talking about people at work. His boss or a coworker could say something in all innocence and my dad would take offense to it and quit. He would go home and tell my mom, "Well I quit" and she would commence with the packing. Once I started school I would come home at least once a school year to see a U-Haul trailer parked in front of the house. I would hand my books to someone in my class and tell them with tears in my eyes that I wasn't coming back anymore and to please tell my teacher goodbye and give her my schoolbooks. And that would be that in that school.

Let me run down the list of schools I went to:

I started 1st grade (because at that time there was no kindergarten) at:

Eloy, Arizona, then

Toltec, Arizona, then

Harquahala, Arizona, then

Yuma, Arizona, then

Poston, Arizona, then

Calipatria, California and came to end up in

Shafter, California.

Now I could be wrong about that rundown, I seem to remember there might have been other schools, so I reserve the right to edit!

All I can say about my dad is that he lived and worked for us, his family. My mom tells a story of my dad stopping after work one day to buy himself his usual can of beer and I had just been born and he realized right then that by buying himself beer he was taking away from me. He realized that with the money he was spending for beer my mom could buy me a dress or something else I needed and he quit buying his daily beer.

My dad is still alive, and he's not in the best of health both physical and mentally. Especially mentally. I don't know if it's early stages of Alzheimer's or dementia or just paranoia or schizophrenia, heck I really don't know so how can I label it. But I know the brain my dad is living with right now is not the brain of the man that lived his life for me. I have to remind myself of that a lot because I do get angry with him because he does and says hurtful things right now, but I know that I am who I am today because of him. My children are Americans because of him. I survived being a single mother because of him. I have pride in myself because of him.

Yes, my dad went to work everyday and he did something at that place he called the ranch everyday...but his real work, his paycheck is us...his kids and grand kids. I once read this poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson and when I did I thought...someday, when my dad passes this is what I want in his memorial cards because this is what my dad was...

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch… to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”
–- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You are and will always be a success dad, because I have breathed easier because you lived.

Melissa's 2 Year Birthday Party

Yesterday we celebrated Melissa's 2ND birthday party. Melissa is the only one of Fred and Norma's kids to be born in a normal month with normal weather. The other three were born in the dog days of hell...SUMMER! So this one was really enjoyable, in fact...down right chilly!

Here are a few pictures. The one thing I forgot is that it gets darker earlier now so I didn't take any pictures while there was still good light, but the ones I did get I think were pretty nice. The theme was Cinderella.

Here's her cake. The funny thing about the cake is that her daddy Fred took the Prince Charming figurine away. He said to get "that vato" out of there! I told him, you know...a long time ago you were "that vato" and because of "that vato" Melissa is here today. He put the Prince back...I think he's ready to be a grandpa!

And here's CinderMelissa herself! Isn't she beautiful? I did so want to wear that crown! Ah, I remember my days in the Tiara Club *sigh* And why is the Princess CinderMelissa sad? Someone has stolen her crown! Now I know I coveted that crown, I wanted that crown, I wished it was my birthday so I could wear the crown...but it wasn't me! I promise...I did not steal the crown. I think it was her wicked stepsisters!

And happiness reigns again in the Land of Alarcon. CinderMelissa is once again wearing her crown, proving she is the most beautiful princess in the land and therefore saving her Tia Ale from being imprisoned for stealing the most precious crown!

The fairytale is over now! Now it's time to grub down on some of that delicious cake! Mmmmm, good.

And her most loyal subjects have all come bearing gifts. Too many to picture them all here. But you can see the huge Dora the Explorer doll her Nana got for her...and I believe that's a Vtech Laptop Computer in that blue box. It's never to early to get them going on technology!

CinderMelissa waiting for more presents. I think there are still a few behind you there CinderMelissa!

And a little something for the peasants! A pinata. It got a little too late and too dark to hang the pinata from the huge tree in the front yard. But being clever, her mom Queen Norma hung it from a nail on the back patio and just let each child give it three whacks, starting with Melissa and her daddy as you see in the next two pictures. Even I got a goody bag full of candy to take home! Wealth abounds in the Land of Alarcon!

And Ye Olde Tavern Alarcon doesn't do too badly either. Here you see the Old King, King Tata, CinderMelissa's paternal grandfather doing Jello shots! You go King!

And when the Jello won't come out of the cup, take a spoon to it, no shame in that!

Ahhhh, some of the peasants...up to no good! Are they about to steal CinderMelissa's birthday presents?

Yes, yes...that is what they are doing. I see one of the thieves wearing the crown! He's stealing the Crown Jewels and the Royal Scepter! And the other thief is trying to abscond with the Royal Laptop! But wait, it looks like Sheriff IkieDillo is coming to the rescue. Save us Sheriff Ikie!

There's the thief! Sheriff IkieDillo has caught him red handed!

Go Sheriff Ikie. That's the treacherous thief Freddie the Terrible! He can fight Sheriff Ikie all he wants, but he's not going to get way!

Sheriff Ikie giving Freddie the Terrible the worst punishment in the land. A tickle party from Dora the Explorer. Freddie won't soon forget this horrible punishment!

And that's all for now from the Land of Alarcon where they all lived...HAPPILY EVER AFTER!