Sister Wives

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past 4 or 5 television seasons, you’ve probably heard about a television reality show on The Learning Channel (TLC) called Sister Wives. The show is about this guy named Kody Brown who has a gaggle of wives. Hmmm, I think a gaggle is five and at last count there are 4 wives and around 16 or so children, so maybe he doesn’t have a whole gaggle, but I just like the term gaggle.


They all live in Vegas now, but I believe when the show first started they were living in Utah. They are a polygamist family, meaning Kody is married to one wife legally and the other wives are a “spiritual union”. The women are known as Sister Wives. I guess not only are they wives but the spiritual union makes them sisters to each other or something like that. I’ve never watched the show, just know about the show because of snippets of the promos for the show and what I’ve read online.

So what does this have to do with me? Well I believe a spiritual union may be in my future. You see…this morning while just doing my job I contacted a client about renewing his insurance policy. He seemed very worried that I get all his paperwork to him right away as he was heading out of town tomorrow. I told him not to worry; I would be sending all his paperwork today. Then I reminded him that he doesn’t have to renew this policy until June 30th which is when the existing policy will expire.

He then exclaimed, “See Alicia…that is why I love you! You keep my life straight!” (I only insure his vehicle…how is that his life?) Then he says, “Are you married?” Before I could answer, he goes on to say, “I know I’m married, but I have room in my life and in my house for another wife and I would like you to be that wife. I’m a really good husband and would treat you well.”

…… Say what?

The only thing I could think of to say was, “It sounds to me like you don’t want another wife, you just want a bookkeeper!” Thankfully he just laughed and didn’t take offense to my thoughtless declination to become his wife…Whew! I let him down easy... although I wouldn’t just be gaining a husband, I would also be gaining a sister, a Sister Wife.

Pecans in the Cemetery

I know I've been A.W.O.L. as of late. No excuses...just life and a new venture of which I'll tell you guys about sometime soon. I'll be back to let you know what I did this past weekend and some other little random tidbits. But for now..........enjoy Pecans in the Cemetery! Ooooooooooooooo!!!

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old, pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing them. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Along came another boy riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me..." He just knew what it was.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and The Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!" The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling me the truth." Let's see if we can see the Lord...?"

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all of them. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...?"

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Sweets and Things

“So long as the sugar is on the tongue, you feel the sweetness in taste. Similarly, so long as the heart has love, peace and devotion, you feel the bliss.” ~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba (Indian Spiritual Leader)

Yesterday's post was about sugar. While I was trying to find an easier way to do that post by finding a website I could just link to I found a lot of really great stuff about sugar and sweets that I wanted to share.

I didn't put it in yesterday's post because after scaring you (and me) to death about how much sugar we eat, I didn't want to tempt you by showing you creative and beautiful ways to use sugar.

But today is another day, so onward and upward!

First, some pictures from Home Sweet Home, Expressions in Confectionery Art.

They even have ebooks you can purchase to learn how to create your own Confectionery Art. Sounds like a lot of fun, but just imagine if you had to eat all your mistakes?

Then I found this beautiful picture and I had to read more about it! And you can too at Prima Donna Bride.

She shows you how to make these beautiful little sugar cubes here. They are so super simple that I think even I could make them! Wouldn't they look beautiful on cupcakes, wedding cakes, as decorations on tablesscapes for weddings and showers?

And for those of you that don't want to eat sugar cubes, how about bathing in them?

You can find these lovely little effervescent cubes at L'Occitane En Provence. These little guys are individually packaged squares containing essential oils (mint, pine and rosemary) blended with sugars and stimulating centella asiatica to 'fizz' upon release into water.

Politician's in Hot Water!!!

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke." ~ Will Rogers

It seems like our politicians are in hot water, in more ways than one. Just take a look at these cute little tea bags!



I believe that's Hillary Clinton in the cup. And I recognize the first tea bag person; President Obama. Not sure who the others are though. Any guesses? If you like these you can find them and a whole lot of other really cute things at donkey products.

Doctor's Appointments

I had two doctors appointments this morning. Now you know how graphic I can get about doctors appointments and procedures...I warn you ahead of time.

The first doctor was my endocrinologist. An endocrinologist is a specially trained doctor who diagnoses and treats diseases that affect your glands and hormone levels (endocrine system) such as:
Adrenal Disorders
Diabetes
Lipid Disorders
Osteoporosis
Pituitary Disorders
Parathyroid and Calcium Disorders
PCOS, infertility
Thyroid Disorders ...which is my disorder and why I see one.

The second doctor was my surgeon, and well, I guess you know what surgeons do, except this one did it twice; cut me open I mean.

So I thought I would show you a picture of my two doctors. . .

First my endocrinologist. Capable looking guy isn't he? He can manage any of my disorders anytime!

And this is my surgeon. Definitely a man you would trust to take a knife to your throat isn't he?

Ok, Ok...I know. These are those two doctors from Greys Anatomy, a show I absolutely adore for many different reasons. The two McDreamy, McSteamy guys shown above being two reasons why I adore the show, mmmmmmmm, yummy!

So why did I lie and try to pass off these two gorgeous men as my doctors? Well because today's doctors visits consisted of the endocrinologist and the surgeon (both during different appointments, one at 8am and one at 9am) massaging and palpitating my neck and shoulder area gently with their bare hands. And do you think that when I closed my eyes, (cause to be frank, it felt pretty damn good) I thought about the actual real life doctors? No way Jose! I thought about those two doctors up above. It was worth the $275 a piece that I paid today!

A girl can dream can't she?

I can't wait til next Monday when I have a mammogram scheduled. Let's see what doctor or x-ray technician I conjure up for that one! Stay tuned.

Disneyland was Great!

Last Saturday I went to Disneyland. I hadn't been to Disneyland since my daughter was in the band in high school and she's now 28, so it had been quite a while. I really hadn't had any interest in going to Disneyland but when my daughter texted me and asked if I wanted to go I figured why not? It would be just her and I and if I got too tired we could just come home.

Then she told me that she invited my nieces, Alicia and Beatriz and I thought, well that's great. I would love to hang out with them as well and if I back out at the last minute April will still have someone to go with.

Then she told me that my brother Fred, his wife Norma and little Fred and baby Melissa would be going also and well that cinched it that I was going to have to suck it up and go. And I'm sure glad I did, because we had the BEST TIME EVER!!! We opened and closed the park and it was so great to see little Fred and Melissa enjoy their first time at Disneyland.

Here are some pictures because as the saying goes, a picture is worth a 1000 words. . .

First off the gang on Main Street, April, Beatriz, Alicia and Little Fred

First ride...Jungle Cruise. Here's Melissa and her daddy Big Fred. Now those are the faces you come to Disneyland to see. Just look at those smiles!

We ended up in a separate boat from Fred, Norma, Little Fred and Melissa. Here's Alicia, Beatriz and April ready to set sail for the Amazon Jungles of Disneyland!

After that ride it was time to split up. Fred, Norma, Little Fred and Melissa took off for Toon Town, Small World and the Tea Cups. They promised to wait and ride the Tea Cups with us. Here's the girls outside of the Indiana Jones ride. This one was fun! I was amazed that I wasn't scared to get on them because I usually don't like the fast, scary rides and prefer to sit them out. I was feeling particularly adventurous this day :-) I rode Splash Mountain and Space Mountain as well.

Mother and daughter! I know I look drunk, but hey, it was barely 9am. My eyes are actually just trying to refocus after that ride! Seeing April smiling made this whole trip worthwhile! Thank you so much April for wanting to drag your tired, old mom with you! xoxoxoxo

Ok, I look a little better here. Here I am with my namesake, my niece Alicia.

And I can't let Beatriz get away without taking a picture with her Tia Ale as well.

Here we are waiting to ride the Tea Cups. Melissa is eating Cotton Candy. You haven't had fun until you've watch her eat Cotton Candy. Her big sissy, Alicia actually sticks Melissa's whole hand in her mouth a little later to clean off all the pink, gooey, sticky, yummy mess! She's a great sissy-poo.

This next set of pictures are my favorites. Here's Melissa looking a little leery, wondering what in the heck this ride is all about. She's got her hands on the wheel in the middle, but she really doesn't know what it's for just yet.


Check out the closeup...is this a face or what?? Beautiful!

Ah Ha!!! She figured out what this whole thing is about and is this a face of sheer joy or what? This is what makes Disneyland worthwhile!


Here's the gang in the other Tea Cup. It is just too funny to watch grown men sitting in these Tea Cups!

Uh Oh! I think Fred has had just about enough of this spinning around, don't you think? Although April, Beatriz and little Fred seem to find Fred's discomfort rather amusing.

Awwww, how cute is this?
Here's Melissa telling Daddy it's ok after his scary ride on the spinning Tea Cup.

Mother and daughter yet again. A little more tired, hair a tad messy after the water ride. Let me warn you, Splash Mountain should be renamed "Come out totally soaked" Mountain, there is no splashing...there is drowning! But I loved it. Thank you April. Love, Love, Loved Disneyland and love you too!

Next time someone invites you to Disneyland, Go, Go, Go. It's so worth it!

Iwanna Wednesday

Bet you thought I forgot about Iwanna Wednesday today didn't you? Well never fear, I didn't. But what Iwanna today is not an object, today Iwanna tell you a story, a funny story, a story not for the faint of heart or the squeamish. A story of normal bodily functions and the trials and tribulations of growing older. Now remember, I didn't say of growing OLD...I said of growing OLDER, there is a big difference. All of you 40 and over out there, can I get an AMEN?

About a month ago I went for one of those routine checkups to my regular, normal medical doctor. She's the one that found the cancer originally and I love her to death for saving my life. Dr. Tracey Levens, Mwaaaaaaaaaa *big kiss* to ya!

So she did the pap smear, the breast exam, the growling and grumbling about my weight. She asked me to contact my insurance to see if they cover Pneumonia shots (which I still haven't done). She asked me to get my living will to her (this is about the 4th time that she has asked for this and she has yet to get it, you think she would get the hint..I'm not planning on dying!)

She gave me paperwork to schedule my mammogram and then she gave me the oddest thing! This is what Iwanna tell you about. She gave me a home, whew...can I really say it? Or even type it? Remember...I warned you! She gave me a "home stool sample kit"!

Oh yes she did!! She handed me a small box, and she explained to me that inside the box was a sheet of paper which I had to stretch across my toilet bowl and do my thing (oh the indignity!). She didn't go into too much detail from there, probably because of the look of amazement/disgust on my face. She said further directions were in the box and to just do the test and there was a smaller box in there to mail it all back to them, or...and get this, I could just bring it by the office and hand it to the girl at the front desk!

Now...I hope you know what a stool is? No Virginia, it's not one of these. . .

It's one of these (and in the interest of keeping myself from gagging and also from having my computer pull up distasteful fetish porn sites, I looked up FAKE POOP, so this is a picture of FAKE POOP.) (Still pretty darn gross though, am I right?)

Well a month later I still hadn't done it, I had opened the box and read the instructions and it gagged me so much I couldn't do it. But unfortunately I received a letter in the mail from my doctor, and it read:

WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED BACK THE STOOL KIT GIVEN AT YOUR PHYSICAL 4/21/2009. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO DO THE TEST AND RETURN KIT BACK TO OUR OFFICE. THANK YOU. . .

Now those dot.dot.dot's. . . after that comment were actually typed at the end of the statement and I know what they mean...they're medical jargon for LOL! I know it, they're still laughing at me as they realize I have to poop on paper and collect a sample for them, Grrrrrrrrr!!!

Anyway, yesterday I finally got brave enough to do the test. I placed this long strip of paper that had two little tape strips at either end, on my toilet seat. It was about 5 inches wide. Then I prepared the little sampler thingy (I believe that is the proper medical term, thank you very much!) So I have my sampler thingy ready, which looks something like this...

So I sit and I wait. Now I don't know about you, but anytime I sit down to, how can I put this delicately, when I sit down to "relieve my bowels", (yuk) I always have to pee first, but you can't pee, it's not allowed, so this was harder than you think.

Anyway, I do my thing and you can't wipe cause there's this object taped to your toilet blocking the way and if you wipe and tear it off then the poop falls into the bowl rendering said poop unusable and soiled. what? huh? what?

So I stand up, (please don't picture this in your head, please, please, please). I stand up and get this little sampler thingy which you saw pictured earlier and you have to stab it 5, yes 5...not 4, not 6, but 5 times into your "sample".

Then you take said sampler thingy and put it into the glass tube that has liquid in it and you seal it and shake it up. (Now remember, at this point I have not wiped yet...ugh!!!)

Then you take this tube that encloses your poop and you place it into a zip lock baggie thingy. Then you take the zip lock baggie thingy and place it into an envelope which then goes into a box which is then sealed and ready to be mailed or taken by HAND to the doctors office.

The final package looks something like this...

So yesterday morning, my sister Lisa comes to get me and unbeknownst to her... I have poopy in my pursy :-)

I finally explained to her what I did and told her I needed to drop it off at my doctors office. She told me we could go on our lunch hour and then grab some lunch after, (like I had an appetite after all that!)

But alas, my doctor's office is closed during the lunch hour and they don't have a poopy drop-off slot in their door! So the poopy came home with me and I told Lisa I would drop it off the next morning and just be late for work. So all day long I had this poopy with me, and I had a poopy day as well. Coincidence? Hmmmm, I wonder.

So the poopy came home with me and this morning Lisa told me, "Instead of being late, let me just put some postage on it, I have some at the office and then you don't have to stress about it". She's a real, Let's-get-it-done kind of person. So as I got off the car I handed her my poopy envelope for her to put postage on and mail.

Now I know this has been a long, long post. But I hope you stuck with me and read every word because what Iwanna really tell you is the text conversation Lisa and I had a bit later that morning:

Me to Lisa: 7:45a.m.
Thank you for the pie. I know you like it when I say thank you.

Lisa to me: 8:25a.m.
Whatever smartass, by the way, the poop is in the mail.

Me to Lisa: 8:26a.m.
Thank you taking care of my shit for me.

Lisa to me: 8:27a.m.
Lol you funny man, woman!

I crack my self up!
Lisa cracks me up!
Lisa cracks herself up!
Mailing poopy cracks me up!
Needless to say, today was not a poopy day at all!
And Lisa and I had a good laugh all day long. I hope you have a good laugh as well.
Hope you enjoyed the story Iwanna'd to tell you and that you felt it was appropriate for Iwanna Wednesday.

I know that this video has been around a long time. I remember watching it when it first came out but then I never remembered it again. Today I just happened to stumbleupon it while stumbling and finding this website. I hope you enjoy and remember to visit this website to see the list of 99 things you should already have seen on the internet.

April's Goodbye BBQ

As I've mentioned before in the past two blogs, April is off for her MIT (Manager in Training) program in Arizona. She's loving it there! She's climbed a mountain, went to the Grand Canyon, went to a BBQ and is going to Mexico next weekend. She's also eaten at Joe's Crab Shack and she had Afghanie and Thai food! She said she's having the best time of her life and I'm so happy for her.

But I'm going to post these pictures from her goodbye BBQ so she remembers those she left behind and remembers to come back (there's nothing like a mother's guilt trip is there?).

Mmmm, remember Nina's famous potato salad April?

And here's Nina!Oh yeah, thumbs up for this stuff!

Is this all for me???And don't forget your Mommy's pasta salad, you know you wanna come home for more of that!

And your Uncle/Nino Fred's magic touch with steak and chicken?

And c'mon...who wouldn't want to come back home to kiss this little face?

And of course, there's the rest of the girls, who's going to keep them in line?And remember your crazy Nana eating blood oranges? You know no one can make you laugh like she can!See Tia Norma? She's still laughing! And when you come back, bring some floss for your Uncle Fred. I really think he shouldn't be flossing with a steak knife, right?

“Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest”~

Robert Montgomery

American Idol and Cucumbers

Ok, just a couple quick things because I have to write a post for Reflections of a Mother's Heart for tomorrow and I want to get it all done before American Idol.

American Idol - Well it's official...I'm a fan again this season. I loved it last night. There wasn't as much negativity or really obnoxious people on, except for the bikini lady and even though she was obnoxious she had a really cute butt! I can't wait to see how the blind guy does and I didn't see any of my Arizona relatives there in line or on the show!! C'mon you guys? Where were you?

And in case you're wondering about my title and cucumbers...I just wanted to find out if anyone else has the same tradition (oddities) that my family has regarding cucumbers. Ever since I was a little bitty kid, whenever my dad would prepare a cucumber for us to eat he would first cut off one tip and then take the cut off piece and rub it around and around on the cucumber where the cut part was. And then he would do the same with the other side. I never really thought about it, or thought it was weird or unusual, it just was, because my dad did it. Then he would of course peel it and cut it into slices and throw some lemon juice and salt on it and we would scarf it all up.

But here's the thing...why did he rub the cut ends around together? As I got older and more inquisitive and not willing to take it for granted that daddy knows best I asked him. He said it helps to remove the bitterness from the cucumber. Hmmmm, made sense to me. So now, whenever I eat a cucumber I do it that same way and I never get a bitter cucumber and when I don't do that it seems like the cucumber is always bitter! All in my head? Maybe so, but that's just one of our traditions. Do I have scientific proof? No, but daddy really does know best!

It kind of reminds me of this joke...
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied, "I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it." A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?" Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."

Cell Phone Holders - Did you know these existed?

Today we had a visit from an underwriter with a new insurance company we're starting to write business with. After all the blah, blah, blah came the gifts. These underwriters and marketing reps always have little gifts they like to give us on the way out imprinted with their company name and logos.

Today's underwriter, Colby gave us each one of these...

I'd never seen one, let alone knew I really NEEDED one! Usually I just laid my cell phone on my Rolodex and that worked just fine til I saw this beach chair cell phone holder. Now my cell phone can just lounge there on my desk. Hey, someone should be having a vacation, even though it's not me.

So when I got home, I wanted to show my son what it looked like since I left it at the office and lo and behold! Look at all the different types. There's phone holders for stuffed animal lovers, animal lovers, sea life lovers, foot lovers, junk food lovers, fruit lovers, sports lovers, shoe lovers, golf lovers, basketball lovers and cat lovers. Oddly enough, I didn't find any for dog lovers, hm mm, go figure.

Enjoy these and start looking for your own cool cell phone holder.