"Whosever will lose his life for My sake, 

SHALL FIND IT."

Kind of love this scripture.
When I was serving a mission, I learned the importance and concept of "becoming"...
Becoming who my Heavenly Father needed me to be.
Since that time, it has always been something that has been important to me.

I am kind of obsessive with making sure that I am always growing and doing things to develop myself.
Brett can definitely attest to this.
I am always trying to take on new challenges & look for opportunities of development.
He says its my competitive side.
I say its my determined side.
I don't mean that in any type of conceded way.
I say it because I am NO WHERE near perfect and have  A LOT of work to do.
I just want to make sure that I am always doing the things necessary to become the person I need to be.

I think that sometimes, one of greatest challenges I face
with our circumstances of being unable to currently start a family,
is feeling as though my growth is stunted.
It sounds really silly as I write it --- but seriously...
I feel like one of my greatest purposes in life as a woman is to nurture.
To love unconditionally.

I often read blogs or hear stories from mothers telling about their love for their children.
It truly sounds amazing...and more than anything I want to be able to experience it.

I am realizing now that Heavenly Father often sends blessings in forms we weren't necessarily expecting...
I am also realizing that those blessings are wonderful and better than ever expected.

At times, during this "waiting period", I feel as though I have lost focus.
I have been selfish and compared myself to others thinking I wasn't growing.
For whatever reason, I have thought that I couldn't "become" until I was an actual mother.
Hello.
I am missing the actual opportunities Heavenly Father is giving me to do just that.
One of those moments came this past weekend.

We have been working closely with a sweet girl and her family as they have been investigating the church.
To learn more please visit mormon.org.
Can I just tell you how much joy has filled my heart as we have worked with her and her small family.

I'll tell you what...
Nothing in the world is better than seeing her sweet face light up and she runs up and gives me a hug.
Nothing has been better than being in quite places together and having her open up about her feelings about getting baptized and asking questions about the gospel.

It's been an incredible journey, and this past weekend Vanya and her family were baptized.
Man I couldn't help but cry--- just because my heart was filled with SO much love for that girl.

What a humbling experience it was to watch her be baptized.
Again, I can't explain how much happiness and love I felt watching her enter the waters of baptism.
It was overwhelming and a remarkable experience.

I am so grateful for the blessings that Heavenly Father has poured down on me these past 2 years.
Even though I have not had the opportunity to have children of my own,
I have sure been blessed to interact with some amazing youth
and have had experiences and opportunities that most don't get..

I can't even begin to describe how much I actually HAVE grown.
Far more than I would have ever anticipated.
And I know that I am AM becoming.
That I AM stronger.

I guess this post is mostly for me.
To remind me of the great blessings and responsibilities I have personally been given.
That Heavenly Father does in fact have a plan.
And it's a plan of HAPPINESS.