Life in the Making: 38 Weeks Pregnant

Praying this is the last pregnant self portrait we all have to endure.

I have a lot of thoughts floating around my head this week.

I am doing everything possible to savor these last weeks of pregnancy...

but in all honesty.... I am ready.

Lets be honest, who isn't at this point?

I am feeling huge and ready to pop.

For the life of me I could never understand why women would complain after 

38 weeks of pregnancy  saying they couldn't wait any longer for their bundle of joy to arrive...

Let's just say, I get it now ladies. I totally get it. 

Just a couple more weeks until my due date.

I am excited, anxious, tired and simply grateful.

Nervous? Absolutely.

But ready to meet this sweet thing.

Ready to experience the miracle of birth and life.

I am trying to go about my normal nesting and quite frankly - I am shocked at how calm I have become in the last bit. 

On Sunday, I was having contractions about 5 minutes a part and seriously thought I might be going into labor. 

I always thought when that time came I would be a panicky mess and Brett would be my rock.

To my surprise I was perfectly calm... (sooooo not me)

and I found myself laughing hysterically at Brett as he looked at me in panic saying,

 "Oh my gosh! I don't have MY bag packed! What should I do!?"

He proceeded to run around the house for the next 20 minutes  

 throwing things into a duffle bag and putting the carseat into the car.

You might say he resembled a chicken with his head cut off.... (sooooo not Brett). 

Obviously, it was a false alarm, but it was great practice and an entertaining morning to say the least. 

I am also happy to say that we are BOTH now 100% ready for when the time comes for us to actually go to the hospital.

Bring it on.

I still feel pretty good for the most part.

I love feeling him move. Even the jabs in the ribs. 

I definitely think that is what i will miss most about pregnancy.

His movements have gone from swift kicks to what feels like squished movements.

His little body pops out right in the middle of my belly and I can't help but giggle.

My belly definitely gets tense and contracts more at night.

We are essentially ready.

I still have a few things I want to complete in his room but that can all be done after.

I am counting down the days until my mom arrives to stay with us. 

We are so lucky to be able to have her help.

I look up to my mother in more ways that I could ever describe.

She is a woman of strength and I pray that I can be half the mother she was to me.

I am so glad that our little man will be able to meet her soon.

I know she will also have such an influence in his life. 

My thoughts are pretty much consumed on the labor and delivery room. 

I think about the moment Brett and I will get to wrap our arms our little guy for the first time. 

I picture the first moments of us together as a family.

Honestly, It is quite emotional for me to think about. 

It seems we have been waiting for this moment for so long, and it is almost here.

I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude and awe.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting and I am coming to truly understand that that Heavenly Father's timing is perfect.

As we waited and hoped to expand our family for years, there were moments that thoughts crossed my mind like, 

"Why can't we have children?"

"Why isn't this happening like it is "supposed" to?"

"How long will we have to wait?"

I never quite fully understood the answer to those questions until now. 

All I can say is that our Heavenly Father's plan is perfect.

That we should never loose faith or hope in Him, because he knows.

He knows our thoughts, our feelings, our concerns... and he also knows best.

I am realizing because of our experiences and because we had to wait -

I have become closer to the Savior and the spirit. 

I have become closer to my dear helpmate and sweetheart.

I have more faith and strength than I thought.

I have more empathy and love for others.

I will cherish the miracle of life more fully. 

...and soon to come - I will be a better mother.

"I know for sure that the promises of the Lord, if perhaps not always swift, are always certain."

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Today my heart is full of love and gratitude. 

Also! Here is a little peak at the little guy's room!

Deciding to move to Arizona was no overnight decision for Brett and I.

It is something that we had prayed about for years prior to Brett's graduation.

Honestly, making the decision was a bit of a stressful one...

We prayed long and hard about our next step in life - 

but after receiving our answer, and knowing it was right, we have never looked back.

It is amazing to me how when something is right, it is right.

I am a firm believer that Heavenly Father always has a plan for us. 

You may remember that Brett and I knew we were supposed to be in this home,

but didn't know why.

We literally looked, decided, and purchased a home within a matter of 3 days.

Now it is so clear.

We have been so blessed to be welcomed with open arms into such an amazing ward.

Especially me. 

I've said it time and time again -

but we really lucked out when we moved into this area.

I feel overwhelmed with the amount of love that I have felt from neighborhood friends and ward members.

Honestly, I cannot begin to express the gratitude I feel towards them. 

Last weekend, the two lovely ladies who first welcomed me to the ward, Danielle and Ali,

threw me a baby bash of every girl's dreams.

It is like they have known me all my life. 

Yes, I'll admit, I am probably one of the most meticulous and detailed persons to exist- 

And yes, it can drive others around me crazy...

All I can say is... These ladies knew how to throw a party!

Talk about darling!!!

Not only was the shower itself SUPER adorbs, 

I was truly overwhelmed with so much love and gratitude to everyone who came! 

I was shocked to see so many of my new friends gathered in one place.

I wish I could have gotten a picture with everyone! 

We laughed as we played a baby trivia game.

This first time Mom learned quite a few things.

Lets just say - I lost.

I guess I have a lot ahead of me.

We also played a game where teams were able to create baby outfits from toilet paper.

I died laughing.  It was hysterical.

Watch out Project Runway - there were some major fashion trends set that afternoon.

To all of the women in my ward -

what can I say...

you are an incredible sisterhood and support group that I rely on daily.

Again, I wish I could have snapped a picture with every one of you.

Thank you oh so much for all of your loving kindness.

I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

Thank you to all of you who made this day possible.

It was truly a dream of a shower.

Now let's get this little guy here so we can meet him!  

be warned - this is a bit of a jumbled emotional post. 

Wow. 

I am a serious emotional wreck.

No joke...

Zillow commercials

singing the Katy Perry, "Roar" song (don't ask)

just looking at Brett

cute little fury creatures

...They get me every time. 

Looking at the pictures above is no different.

I sit here and well up.

Perhaps it is because I am beginning to look and feel like a beluga whale.... just kidding.

I think it is because I am in absolute awe and 

overwhelmed with gratitude for the changes that have taken place in the past 34 weeks.

Taking a step back, I guess you can say it has been one of "those" weeks. 

You know, the type where nothing seems to go your way.

The type where you just want to sit there and complain that the world is against you.

Yes, it has been one of those. 

As I lay in bed the other night basking in self pity (yes I'll admit it), I realized something. 

Why in the world am I complaining?

I AM SO BLESSED.

I know I sometimes use the word blessed like it is going out of style.

But I don't know how else to describe it. 

I am not saying this to boast or say that my life is perfect.

Because frankly, it's not. 

I am just beginning to slowly realize regardless of circumstances, 

Heavenly Father is so good, loving, and gracious.

I have come to see when you take a step back and recognize the blessings in life, 

it is impossible not to feel happiness and gratitude. 

I guess what I am trying to say is although it seemed like everything was piling up against me this week, 

there is so much I have in my life to make me happy...

Especially for this sweet little one who is growing inside me.

I have watched family members and friends yearn for children - 

many times facing trials I will never be able to understand.

Even Brett and myself struggled getting to the point where we are at now. 

We waited years before being blessed to expand out family. 

All these experiences and examples have helped me value motherhood and pregnancy.

It is beautiful.

It is a true miracle in every sense.

And it is something that does not always come easily. 

I have often found myself wondering, why?

Which is why I have promised myself to enjoy every.single.moment.

The good and the bad. 

It's humbling for me to realize that pregnancy isn't about me. 

I can hardly wait to meet this little guy.

He has already blessed my life in more ways than I can describe.

At week 34 I am just filled with an immense amount of gratitude and love.

Of course for the baby, but especially for my Heavenly Father. 

I can hardly believe it.

Less than 2 months until my due date.

52 days to be exact, in fact.

The days are flying by. 

My due date is November 3.

For some reason I have a feeling he is going to come a couple days early.

I can honestly say that I have loved being pregnant. 

Yes, it has its realistic bummer moments but the whole process is so fun.

I am determined to not wish the next few weeks away - 

even though I am dying to meet our little boy.

I still feel pretty good and really can't complain.

 I have definitely noticed a few changes in how I feel in the last week or two. 

My calves, feet, face and hands are swollen.  And I feel tingling in my feet.

 I think my circulation is just a little off. It is the worst in the morning.

I am trying to go on walks once a day.

 I think it helps a little with swelling.

 I have been waking up at least once a night to go to the bathroom - sometimes two or three.

 This is VERY abnormal for me. 

I am a heavy sleeper and never.ever. wake up in the middle of the night. 

I don't have many cravings but I feel like I eat all.day.long. 

I don't like to eat big meals - just a little bit almost every other hour. {Sad, but true} 

I do want sweets - a lot. 

We had a bit of a scare during week 31.

I had been having some pretty bad stomach pains 

and noticed my face and body quickly swelling (not to mention a MAJOR migraine).

Around 8:30 pm at night I called my doctor and she requested I come into the hospital.

I guess it was at that moment my motherly instincts kicked in high drive 

because I suddenly became so worried and forgot about all the pain I was experiencing.

I could only pray and hope that everything was okay with our little guy. 

I quickly let Brett know what was going on.

He was a total champ.

Calm and loving as can be. 

Gosh I love that man and sincerely do not know what I would do without him. 

Long story short, everything was and is perfectly okay with me and the baby.

I was monitored throughout the evening and allowed to early the next morning.

The Arizona heat has been pretty brutal to my body. 

I was really dehydrated and physically exhausted. 

I am taking it easy for now and staying out of the 100 + degree weather. 

I can't describe how scary the experience was for me, 

but how grateful I am that everything was okay.  

We have really kicked into gear around here with the baby stuff. 

I have had a lot of fun prepping this little guy's room. 

I find myself going into his nursery a few times a day and just sitting down.

I often find myself in tears.

All I can say is my heart is so full of love for this boy.

We are still trying to decide on a middle name.

Brett is gushing more and more over babies. 

I cannot believe how excited he is.

A few weeks ago he even showed off some of the beby's outfits to some friends. Very unlike him. 

The baby definitely kicks for him.

Cheesy as it sounds, I think he knows and loves Brett's voice and touch.

He starts kicking like crazy when he is around.

 It is adorable! I feel like I am getting a glimpse into his personality. 

 I love that in the middle of the night Brett will roll over and put his hand on my stomach - in his sleep.

 It is this little moment in time that I hope to never forget. 

Just as this baby is prepping for life - we are prepping for parenthood.

Oh little one, we are already so in love with you. 

I am anxiously waiting to see your sweet face, little fingers and tiny toes.

How is it that I am just a a couple weeks from being 7 months pregnant?

7 months?

The time is zipping by and before we know it our baby boy will be here.

With every passing day I get more excited

and feel more overwhelmed that I am being entrusted with this child.

Blessed has truly become the word of this pregnancy.

I must think how blessed I am a hundred times a day.

But there are the realities of pregnancy, despite the overwhelming gratitude.

Overall, I am feeling good.

I am starting to understand the pains of pregnancy more and more.

My biggest complaint in the last month?

My right ribs - ouch!

I am fairly certain that he isn't kicking them - just hanging out right up against them.

Constantly.

Sitting has become less and less comfortable for this reason.

This week Brett told me that I, "need to tell him who is boss."

I think he is in for a rude awakening that this little guy is now the boss.

He is getting more and more feisty.

I think it must be because he is becoming squished in there.

His kicks have changed from hard and little to feeling like an elbow or bum is going to pop out of my skin.

He is also moving more frequently, especially at night.

I think we are set on a name, but are a bit apprehensive about sharing it.
I especially worry about becoming indecisive.

I had my 28 week doctors appointment last week.

I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing that little heart beat coming out of my belly.

What a miracle.

I now go to the doctor every 2 weeks for 3 visits - and then every week.

I know this will make time fly by.

Baby prep.

I am still slow at making decisions.

There is just so much research to do.

And to be honest, I will probably never master these safety ratings.

For now, suggestions from friends and family is doing the trick.

Thanks to your comments I decided on a carseat, crib and stroller.

Yay! That is progress for me.

Now I am looking at my piles of clothes and wondering if I have enough or way too much for some ages.

How many outfits should I have for each age?

A few nights ago, Brett and i lay awake talking about how our lives are about to change forever.

With all the hub bub of baby clothes, cribs, bumper pads, sheets etc etc

it seems that the important things get over looked.

The important thing isn't the color of his bedding or how many outfits he has.

What is important is this life and perfect spirit that is coming into our home.

Over the past few weeks all I can think about is the delivery room

and seeing Brett hold our little piece of heaven.

My heart swoons over the thought of our growing family.

I am fairly certain that we are already obsessed with this little munchkin.

LIFE IN THE MAKING: 26 WEEKS
Two things I am feeling at this very moment - extreme gratitude and a little fear.

I am now 26 weeks - 6.5 months pregnant.

Weeks 24-26 have been my biggest growth spurt yet.

I know, I think I look further along than I actually am. 

I absolutely love feeling him move.

I feel like I am  starting to understand his little personality.

He already has a little sass to him - wonder where that comes from... hmmm.

He tends to kick the most on my upper left hand side.

I am loving having a "popped" belly

but starting to understand what it means to be "uncomfortable."

It seems like the pains are coming in waves.

I have now moved on to craving more of the sweets.

Poor guy already has a sweet tooth like his parents.

I am working on signing up for a birthing class.

I am actually somewhat nervous about it considering I was the girl 

in health class who passed out watching, "The Miracle of Life."

Birthing class could be a real adventure for me. 

Brett is really trying to be interested in all my jabber about birthing.

I love that man.

Something about watching your belly grow almost over night gives you the real labor jitters.

The baby decisions seem to be piling up and I seem to be stalling.
Only 2.5 months left and we haven't bought a thing in preparation for the baby. 

Since my Mom {and baby consultant}

 is in another state I am having a real hard time biting the bullet on decisions.

And part of me relishes in learning about everything and taking my time.

We decided to just walk through Babies R'Us this weekend and do a little research on car seats and strollers.

Oh if you could have seen the pair of us...

We were both breaking a massive sweat trying to figure out how to close a stroller...

then cheering for joy when we finally figured it out...

then putting the car seat in backwards in the stroller...

then dropping the car seat...

Oh yes. Our poor child.

I can only imagine the thoughts going through people's heads as they watched us struggle. 

Hopefully we will figure it all out before he gets here.

Fingers crossed.

So with that being said...

Car seat advice?

Stroller advice? Is it worth it to get the travel pack?

Is it ok to buy a crib on craigslist?

How do you paint a crib with safe paint?

Oh my I have a lot to learn!

As I move into my third trimester I am continually reminded of how blessed I am to be here in this moment.

I know it's cliché, but we truly can't wait to meet our little bundle.

Two weekends ago these two lovely ladies {along with the help of a few others}

threw me a baby bash every girl dreams of.

I know I mentioned it in a previous post, but I wanted to capture some of the beautiful details since they went to so much work. 

I was treated like royalty the whole day.

I've said it time and time again - but I am really so lucky to have such amazing family members and friends. 

Every detail was so perfect. 

Michelle and my mom created a perfect brunch menu and the table was perfectly adorned.

I absolutely loved the cute colors and baby animals.

  

The shower was very casual which I loved. 

No games, just visiting and eating - two of my most favorite things. 

The breakfast casseroles were to die for. Many people went back to get seconds and thirds.

These yogurt cups were also especially darling and delicious.

Everyone was gushing over them.

Everything looked and tasted perfect.

 I am still amazed.

Yummy!

But hands down the best part was getting to catch up with some of my all time favorite people.

what can I say...

you are an incredible sisterhood and support group that I have relied on daily.

I wish I could have snapped a picture with every one of them.

Thank you oh so much for all of your loving kindness.

Thank you to all of you who made this day possible.

It was truly a dream of a shower.

Now, lets get this baby boy here so we can meet him!

Life in the Making: 23 Weeks

The baby bump is really making its debut.

Everyone told me it would just pop out one day.

But I feel like every day it pops out more.

When I got to see Brett last week he could hardly believe it.
He just kept touching my stomach in disbelief and asking me what it feels like to be pregnant.
 I laughed thinking how could I possibly describe what it feels like to watch your belly turn into a ball.

It is magical.

No new cravings are emerging this week.

However sweets sound good again.

Oh dear.

I am definitely more hungry as time goes on.

I still can't eat big meals but want to snack all day.

Every night I fall asleep on my left side - trying to obey that rule.

But I find myself waking up every.single.night. around 1 or 2.

I think its a combination of my wild and crazy pregnancy dreams, growing pains and having to go to the bathroom.

I have also felt incredibly tired again this week and have started to feel some serious "growing pains" in my belly.

But I will take the pains to watch my belly grow.

He is moving like crazy.

The movements have now gone from little flutters - to jolts.

I can actually see my stomach move with him.

I have found myself wondering if he is going to be a super active baby because I swear all this movement isn't normal.

Last night he responded to pokes and prods for the first time.

Hoping it wasn't just a fluke.

I simply adore his movements already.

I finally walked down the baby isle for the first time.
I have been avoiding it because I knew I would get overwhelmed.
I was right.
 I didn't know half the things I was looking at.
I decided to go to the baby clothes section and stick to something I actually know how to shop for.
Okay but seriously, what is necessary for a first time mommy?
 I am in need of some serious recommendations...

Also, last weekend this little baby boy and I were showered with love.

My mother-in-law and mom hosted a baby shower to remember and people came from far and wide.

I couldn't help but feel so much gratitude and appreciation. 

This little baby boy is already loved by so many and I am feeling overwhelmed by everyone's generosity and love.

It is always so nice to be around people who made you who you are.
I could easily say something about every one of the women who attended.

Teresa and Tami practically raised me alongside my Mom.

Jessica Savage never ceases to amaze me and I am so glad she was able to come. Love that girl.
The Perry's, Aitken's, and Keele's have always been so kind and welcoming to me in the family. I was so grateful to be surrounded by their love.
Carley and Caitlyn always know how to put a smile on my face.
I was glad to receive many hugs from people in our ward... people who have touched and inspired my life in more ways than I can express.
Annie and Trevor happened to be in town - and I loved getting to see their darling kiddos.
High school friends drove from all over.  It was such a blast catching up.

All I can say is that these people have had such a major impact on my life.
Now, if I can just take everything they have taught me into motherhood.
Fingers crossed. 

When I grow up....

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The question that is asked at every stage of childhood.

First, I wanted to be a dancer.

Then it was a teacher, an orthodontist, counselor, designer and on-and-on-and on.

I had a lot of dreams and went through a lot of different "chapters" of my life.

But there is one dream that never changed -

the desire to be a wife and a mom.

As the father of 3 girls, my Dad always taught us that we could do it and have it all.

He wanted us to stand on our own two feet and shoot for the stars.

ANYTHING we wanted was within reach, no matter how unrealistic.

This same mentality was what made me fall in love with Brett.

That boy believed in me more than I ever believed in myself.

As I told my parents when we were dating, "he wants me to shine."

In the beginning, I wanted my education. 

I started at BYU taking general courses.

The classes were--- well tough, but I loved the environment and I loved to learn. 

I especially fell in love with my family science classes.

When I married Brett I realized a new desire and dream. 

 I wanted to be able to support him and  provide him with an opportunity to go to school full time, 

focus on his preparing for HIS career and our future, 

and all the while not have to be burdened or worried about providing for our family. 

College was a good chapter of life. and I was really nervous to let go of it...

It was something that defined me as a person at the time.

Looking back on it now, I don't really remember anything from my biology or stats classes,

but I can see that I learned and grew in ways that will bless my life forever.

I was told that my dreams were basically doomed when I stopped my education to support Brett - 

but I knew it was right and did not hesitate making the decision.

I knew I was sacrificing for our family and that it was a new dream I was willing and happy to accept. 

I was quickly blessed to find a job at a company called Vivint.

I started that chapter feeling confident and ready for challenges.

And within just a few months in the "work world" I longed for more.

I was able to grow in the company and accomplish things I did not know I was capable of. 

My last week at Vivint was the beginning of June.

{I am a bit behind in blogging, eh?}

Almost 3 years after working for the company.

Was it a hard decision to leave "my career?"

At first, most definitely.

I had dedicated most of my time and energy into pursuing my career.

I was terrified of the change.

 I was nervous to let go of responsibility.

  I was afraid of the unknown. 

Then I realized I was getting the job that I have always longed for .

 The job of a mother.

It was hard to leave the Vivint team.

I was welcomed with open arms nearly three years ago by every single person in that company.

Rex Jensen, my manager, is an incredible leader and someone who taught me so much.

He showed me more than how to be a hardworking employee, but a good and successful person.

He worked with me and accommodated my needs.

He was so kind and generous.

I will miss my team and friends.

They were like my second family.

I am already longing for their life updates.

I hope to never lose these friends.

On my last day they had a little baby shower for me in the office.

I was blown away.

I told them not to do anything... instead, they spoiled me rotten.

Being able to spend some last moments with them turned out to be the perfect way to close that chapter.

Thank you to everyone for making such a long lasting impression on me, 

and for your constant generosity and kindness. 

Now, I am on to the next chapter...the one that I've been longing to write all these years.

And just like before, my dear Brett wants me to shine.

This is what he wants for me now and forever.

He is going to be an incredible Dad to this little boy.

He may be doomed with me as a Mom - 

but boy is he lucky to call him Dad.

I am certain it will be the most challenging, the most important and the most rewarding chapter yet.

And the wonderful part is, it never has to end.

Motherhood is the only chapter of my life and existence that I hope to never close.

 Motherhood is exactly what I want to do now and when I "grow up."

19 weeks till my due date.

But who is counting?